Words of Wisdom 74: Emotional Mastery

It takes 3-5 seconds for the chemicals that produce emotions to flood your system. So the age-old aphorism about counting to ten before you respond has an equal amount of science and common sense behind it.







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Inside the Mind of Celeste Francine Jackson

“Tolerance leads to cooperation; cooperation leads to unity, and unity leads to progress.”

–Celeste F. Jackson

A couple of years ago I was having a great time conducting a seminar on personalities and thinking styles. During this interactive seminar I used a few of the students as examples. Out of those students, one young lady in particular stood out and the end of the seminar we started talking.

In order to find out if I was really on my game, she challenged me to identify her thinking style. (That’s what I love about Millenials—they are open to new ideas and very skeptical at the same time so you better be on point when dealing with them.)

She gave me a big smile to signal her approval as I identified the correct thinking quadrant for her and then she told me her name: Celeste Jackson.

An outstanding student with an insatiable desire for knowledge and a strong sense of altruism, Celeste has an inspiring story that could never be captured on her impressive resume. Losing both of ones parents is something that would completely derail many people. But in spite of experiencing extreme personal tragedy at such an early age, she continues to excel.

She attends Duke University. She serves on Duke’s board for the Center for Race Relations and is in the school’s marching band. Celeste has been volunteering with America Reads and she recently participated in humanitarian endeavors over the summer in Uganda as a part of the DukeEngage program.

As part of DukeEngage she tutored primary school students in English and she worked in an HIV/AIDS clinic. There is no doubt that Celeste is a strong example of the power of resilience, determination, and the willingness to serve.

But don’t take my word for it, find out for yourself as you take a stroll inside the mind of Celeste Francine Jackson.

Note: This interview took place Feb. ‘08


IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED…

Explain to me how you ended up at Duke because when I originally looked at your resume it said you were attending Ursinus College [one of the top 50 liberal arts colleges in the U.S.].

When I initially applied to Duke I didn’t get in. But I did get into the University of Virginia. When I went to visit I didn’t like all that much and I didn’t get a lot of financial aid. Since I was from out of state—I’m from Pennsylvania—it ended up being like $40,000 per year. It wasn’t worth that much money to invest into something I didn’t love.

So, I went to Ursinus College where I got a Towers Scholarship which is an academic scholarship for the four years I would’ve been there which covered more than half of the tuition. But it was stepping stone in the process. I re-applied to Duke and got accepted the second time around. And I got a good financial aid package from them so, it worked out really well.

And you’re headed to London next year—The London School of Economics?

Yes. I just got in recently so, I’m very excited about that.

Congratulations! Are you going into economics?

Actually, I’ll be studying government. I want to be a politician. I want to get into the whole Washington, D.C. scene.

You can really learn a lot from people if

you take the time to understand
their diversity.

THE POWER OF DIVERSITY

Why is diversity so important for success in today’s world and how can we do a better job of helping people to embrace it?

I think diversity is so important because we’re in a diverse society and there’s no way to get around it. You can try to live in a bubble, but the people that you’re doing business with—the people that you’re seeing and interacting with on a daily basis are diverse. Everybody has different things to offer.

You can really learn a lot from people if you take the time to understand their diversity because as Americans most of us are immigrants or were brought here by force or we came here to escape some personal or national conflict. And with these differences comes so many points on which we can learn from each other.

People say—and I agree with them—that we are living in a hegemonic system with the United States being at the top. But it’s slowly beginning to change. So, you’re going to see in the next 25 years that countries like China are going to come and begin to be more dominant and as Americans we’re going to have to be able to embrace that. We’ve got to be able to work with people who come from different cultures.


TOLERANCE IS THE KEY

We need to be tolerant. Tolerance doesn’t mean that we have to totally accept, tolerance means that we can respect someone or something that’s different from what we are or different from what we believe. Tolerance leads to cooperation; cooperation leads to unity and unity leads to progress.

In order to make change happen you have to be able to unite people. You have to have people who are willing to work with you. You have to unite them behind a cause and then you can begin working for the betterment of people. But if you don’t have tolerance, people aren’t going to work together and we won’t be able to progress as a country or a community.

Even now, we see that the African-American and Latino communities are fighting it out and having problems in California and here in Durham, North Carolina because people aren’t focusing enough on trying to find that common ground. They don’t necessarily have to like each other but find that common ground and tolerate each other.

The problem isn’t the two cultures; the problem is the environment in which they are living. You have people fighting for scarce resources instead of working together. In a broader sense, if we [the U.S.] cannot work with other countries we are going to have a lot problems keeping our standard of living.

I don’t see education as an obligation.
I see it as a privilege.

CONFUSED ABOUT KNOWLEDGE

I know that you have pretty much been an academic all-star throughout your scholastic career. What are some things that students can do to become better academically?

I think the biggest problem is the way in which we think about education. Understanding the way in which we think about education is fundamental to how each individual will progress academically.

For instance, some students feel like education is an obligation they have to fulfill rather than having a real desire for the acquisition of knowledge. Many students are confused. They don’t know what they want to do so they just follow suit. Their parents tell them, “go to college because you have to” or “finish this because you have to” rather than the students wanting to.

The problem with thinking this way is that you’re going to do the bare minimum to get by. You’re never going to expand your academic drive and I would argue that you will never realize your full potential.

I don’t see education as an obligation. I see it as a privilege. I would say that this has been one of my motivations in life. I am privileged to have the opportunity to come to Duke to acquire knowledge and to understand life from many different perspectives. This privilege, this opportunity has given me the pathway to greater things.

If we can get students to change the way in which they think about education then they can change the way they approach academics.

The biggest questions that I’ve had about

life have been answered by
understanding and
learning from the
people I’m
helping.

BORN TO GIVE BACK

I believe that regardless of your career and passion, giving back should be a part of it. What makes community service and volunteerism so important?

I’ve been doing it since I was a little girl. My mom was a social worker. She worked in Trenton, New Jersey which is a pretty rough area. And there’s always a lot of improvement needed. My dad was a psychologist in New York. He worked for the Children’s Village. So, with my mother and my father we were always out there helping people. We were always doing something.

When I went out with them it made me realize how fortunate I was to have to parents who loved me and to be able to go to a school that I really loved. There are just so many opportunities that I have been given and because I’ve had so much I have so much more to share; so much more to give back.

Even if you don’t have a lot you will be surprised that the little you have is a lot more than someone else has and somebody is really going to appreciate it. I think that the biggest questions that I’ve had about life have been answered by understanding and learning from the people I’m helping.

Everybody has a story to tell and those stories are valuable lessons because you can learn from other people’s mistakes. You can learn from other people’s greatness. You can understand everything about life by understanding people and working with them.

I don’t just volunteer because I think it’s something that I have to do. This is something that is very much a part of who I am. I’ve been given so much in life. I’ve had people who helped me so much that it’s the only thing I can think of. I have to give back. I always ask myself, “What more could I do?”

I don’t feel whole if I’m not out there trying to help someone out because if it wasn’t for the help of other people I would not be where I am today. And I always remember that.

I realized that if I don’t make changes
in my life—if I don’t continue to
make goals then I’m
not going to get
anywhere.

WHEN TRAGEDY STRIKES

When many people look at your life they see a high achieving, self-motivated, well-spoken young woman who has traveled the world. Your mom was a social worker and your dad was a psychologist. So, people they think that your world is all honky-dory and they don’t realize the challenges you’ve dealt with. Tell me about a challenging experience.

My dad died when I was nine years old. I have three other sisters so there are four of us. At the time one was in college, one was in middle school, and I and my younger sister were in elementary school.

So, it was very difficult for my mom because she had to get two jobs and she worked all the time. She couldn’t spend too much time with us. First, we went to an after school program and then, when we were in middle school, we would just walk home. We learned to be independent very quickly. And we learned that if we had to rely on someone it would have to be ourselves. Our mother couldn’t do it all.

I remember I wanted to leave my school and go to prep school and I talked to my mom about it. She couldn’t afford it. She had four children and there were no favorites in the family. I couldn’t go to that school if my sisters couldn’t go. But once I got accepted into the two schools that I had applied to, my mom got a third job to make it happen for us.

That’s something that I have always appreciated. Watching her work so hard made me work harder because she sacrificed so much for me and my sisters. She’s a social worker and that kind of work is stressful. You don’t get paid as much as you should but, social workers do a lot really important work.

We didn’t get everything we wanted. We got books instead of video games. We weren’t allowed to watch TV all the time. We did go on vacation to Mexico because that was something that my father had loved for us to do and to my mother that was very important.

When I was sixteen my mother got cancer and she passed away as well. That was probably the most difficult thing because my mother and I were very close. She really helped me academically. She was the one who would always say, “It’s okay. If you don’t get the grade you want, it’s okay. You’ll be alright.”

So, then it was kind of like I was on my own. Once my mom died I realized that if I don’t make changes in my life—if I don’t continue to make goals then I’m not going to get anywhere because there’s nobody else out there that can help me at this point.


NEVER ALONE

I went to the Pennington School in Pennington, New Jersey. When my mother died they took buses of students to the funeral. There was a sense of community. I still talk to people that lived there that helped me.

Codington also gave me a lot of financial aid which is also something very interesting because the head master made sure that I was able to stay. He made sure that there was money for me to stay at that school. People like Ms. Rossi, my Hall Parent, came together and really helped me out.

So, I can’t say that all of my successes were accomplished on my own. But I can say that the motivation for those successes came from within—knowing that if I wanted something I could get help but, to actually do it would be on me.


I GOT ALL MY SISTERS AND ME

Growing up my parents always told me that your best friends are your sisters. That has been so true. We argued about small things like what to do and where to go next after my mom died but my sisters have really come through for me. My sisters and I have become very close.

If you always motivate yourself
towards something then the
world is your oyster.

SO MUCH MORE TO LEARN

Before I let you go, sum up your philosophy about success in 1-3 sentences.

Well, here are two of my favorite quotes. The first one is by Descartes:

“I would also like it to be known that the little that I have learned up until now is almost nothing in comparison to what I do not know and what I have not given up the hope of coming to know.”

I feel like I embody that quote 100%. It’s saying that there is so much that you can learn, there is so much out there that you don’t know. If you always motivate yourself towards something then the world is your oyster.

The second quote is by Bo Jackson—the athlete, “Set your goals high and don’t stop ‘til you get there. “

You always want be optimistic—realistic, but optimistic. The process of going through the journey is what counts.

Well, I don’t where your journey will take you but if it’s running for public office you’ve got my vote! Thanks for giving us a few minutes of your time.

Thank you very much. I enjoyed it. I would also, like to thank the Verrico’s. We’ve been living with them for about three years.

______________________________________

Hey! Would you like to be featured in Elevate U and possibly on the homepage of The Black Collegian Magazine?

I'm looking for successful student leaders, athletes, artists, and entrepreneurs to interview for a segment of Elevate U called Inside the Mind. If you are interested then email your BRIEF bio, resume, and photo to Al The Inspiration Duncan


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Words of Wisdom 97: Conflict Resolution

When it comes to conflict and disagreement, what’s more important to you: Proving that you are right and justified or resolving the conflict?

“The relentless pursuit of self-justification makes conflict resolution extremely elusive.”
-Al “The Inspiration” Duncan

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Inside the Mind of Dr. Sherle Boone

"You can live a good life and still be committed to the well-being of other people.”

–Dr. Sherle Boone

It has been said that “You judge a man by the company he keeps.” It’s equally true that you judge a man by the impact he makes on the lives of others. The positive impact of Dr. Sherle Boone, activist scholar and founder of The W.E.B. DuBois Scholars Institute, will be felt for many generations to come.

Since 1988, Dr. Boone and the faculty at the institute have served 1200 African-American and Latino high school students from predominantly urban districts. The institute is held during the summer at Princeton University and over its twenty-year history, has a staggering 98% college graduation rate. In fact, for the past four years, 100% of the alumni have graduated from college. Compare that to a 51% national average for students completing college.

As the nation’s leading youth empowerment advocate, I’ve worked with hundreds of schools, universities, and youth organizations. Few demonstrate the level of achievement and excellence exhibited at the DuBois Scholars Institute. Dr. Boone is well aware of this and as such, when talking about the students and the faculty he spoke with admiration and respect.

During our 45 minute conversation—which was supposed to be a 10-15 minute interview—I found myself constantly smiling because it’s refreshing to talk to someone who truly cares about our community and our young people.

Mentored by the great Rev. Dr. Samuel DeWitt Proctor, Dr. Boone has been a professor for 33 years. As director of the mayor’s Education Task Force, he served as a senior advisor to Mayor Kenneth Gibson, the first black mayor of Newark, NJ.

Dr. Boone has even worked as a community organizer. (In spite of Gov. Sarah Palin’s recent derogatory comments about community organizers, they are to be lauded and appreciated for the noble work they do.)

Dr. Boone’s new book, “Meanings Beneath the Skin: The Evolutions of African-Americans”, is expected to be published later this year. In the mean time, enjoy some of the highlights from our conversation as you take a peek inside the mind of Dr. Sherle Boone.

“Complex problems are not solved by a single brilliant mind;
complex problems are solved by brilliant minds
working together.”

A WINNING ATTITUDE AND HIGH STANDARDS

Congratulations on your 20th anniversary.

Thank you.

Describe the students in the Institute.

Well, the students in the institute are different. We have a very different population from the general population in that our students are selected because they have demonstrated what we consider to be a winning attitude characterized by very high levels of academic achievement. They have also demonstrated a sustained interest in involvement in leadership roles in their communities as well as within their schools.

In addition to that, the overall GPA is a 3.1 in top tier institutions. This year we have two African-American males going to Stanford. Currently we have six of our graduates at Princeton. We’ve had a Rhodes Scholar, a Fulbright Scholar, and more than 30 members of Phi Beta Kappa. We have at least one MD and there maybe more. We have several who are practicing law. And since 1996 more than one third of our students have come from Newark [New Jersey] and other urban communities.


THREE GREAT MINDS, ONE GREAT CURRICULUM

Are the same techniques and principles that you used when you established the institute still effective with today’s students?

Absolutely. They are very similar, but we have refined what we do. We started off with very high academic standards. For example, since we began back in 1988, all of the students that have enrolled in DuBois have been given college level instruction.

Three of the major minds of the previous century provided the conceptual frame work that allowed for me to structure the curriculum and make judgments about the selection process. Those individuals are: W.E.B. DuBois and his ideas concerning the Talented Tenth.

Next, is Jean Piaget, the Swiss psychologist who offered us a theory on the development of thinking and thought. One of the things that he proposed is that by the time a child reaches what we consider to be adolescence he or she has all the cognitive equipment needed to think as an adult. With that being said, children as early 14 years old should have the ability to receive college level instruction and do college level work.

Finally, there is Erik Erikson’s theory of self-development. Our curriculum requires courses that lend themselves to the kids gaining a deeper understanding of self. For example, all kids are required to take African-American History and Cultural Practices. The thinking behind that was guided by the writings of Erik Erikson.

During the years of adolescence, kids have a lot of questions concerning “who am I?” and they struggle with identity issues so we try to help bring some closure to that. So, what’s unique about the institute is that it brings together these three major theories in ways that compliment each other. This is perhaps the only project of its kind. Our success record is astounding to say the least.

“We have been managing poverty, but not
eliminating poverty.”

THE END OF POVERTY

Is the mission of the institute to promote high achievement?

Actually, that’s not the mission it’s the by-product. Our mission is to produce a cadre of leaders in the African-American and Latino communities. This is based upon DuBois’ notion that the most effective leadership will come from your best and brightest minds. So, we’re developing a cadre of leaders that will engage in the process of trying to eliminate poverty and racism in our society.

Since the Great Society programs that Lyndon Johnson put in place, there has never been a major effort to really eliminate poverty. We have been managing poverty but not eliminating poverty. Poverty is obviously a serious issue among people of African-American descent. For the most part, the problem has been ignored to such a degree that is has become increasingly more complex to understand and unravel the complexities of poverty. So, you cannot make distinctions between the causes and the effect.

Just as we need brilliant minds to solve medical problems such as age and cancer, we need brilliant minds working together to help us unravel and eliminate poverty in our society. What we are trying to do is develop a cohort of brilliant minds and instill in them a sense of duty to give back to our people.

We want to help them recognize that complex problems are not solved by a single brilliant mind; complex problems are solved by brilliant minds working together in such a way that they are intrigued by the complexities of the task and will sustain their interest in the task as a result of these complexities.


COMMUNITY BEFORE SELF

The level of leadership you are talking about requires an extraordinary amount of self-discipline and it comes with a great deal of responsibility. How is the DuBois Scholars Institute able to motivate and inspire young people to accept that challenge?

Well, a part of what we try to do, starting at an early age, is instill in them that it is your duty. You don’t have a choice. Add that to the fact that they have to take a course called Ethics and Self-Development. One of the aims of this course is to help them to recognize that self-interest—and you could make the case that we are all guided by some sort of self-interest—does not have to be in competition with collective interest. Self-interest and collective interest can compliment each other.

If you can impact other people’s lives you can almost guarantee that you’re going to be okay. So, what we try to do is help kids define success in terms of the impact of their God given talents on the lives of other people. And of course, we employ on our team, faculty and staff who personify that philosophy. We want the kids to see that you can live a good life and still be committed to the well-being of other people.

So, by tying their desires for achievement, financial success, recognition, or whatever they maybe striving to accomplish, to the ideals of community uplift and enrichment the DuBois Scholars Institute is producing leaders that are not only concerned with personal gain, but are also looking out for our community.

Precisely! And actually, it’s the type of leader that puts the community first and puts himself second.

One of my personal philosophies is: “Service is the prerequisite of greatness.”

Absolutely! You hit the nail on the head.

“It’s just as important to know what you
know as it is to know what
you don’t know.”

BEING AN EFFECTIVE PROFESSOR

What separates effective professors from ineffective professors?

That’s a tough question because often you don’t know if you’ve been effective. It’s hard to determine because when students evaluate faculty members they really evaluate how well they liked the person. They aren’t necessarily evaluating the professor on the basis of the content and the challenge that the professor brings forward. Quite frankly, sometimes there’s an inverse correlation between the effectiveness of the professor and the ratings of the professor. That may be more often the case than not.

An effective professor in my judgment is one that can help to students to recognize and appreciate what they don’t know and arouse students’ motivation to search in order to get to know the unknown. Thus, effective professors instill in students the desire to ask questions and to seek out the answers to those questions as opposed to just sucking up information and regurgitating it.

In the DuBois Scholars Institute we tell the students that what distinguishes a scholar is the desire to know what he doesn’t know and the understanding that the more he gets to know the more he realizes what he doesn’t know.

So as a professor your goal is to be sure that your students not only know the information but that they embody and apply the information.

Precisely! And recognize the limits of what they’re learning. It’s just as important to know what you know as it is to know what you don’t know. So, you have to be able to recognize the limits of any conclusion that you come to. Recognize that rarely do we bring truth to the table. We bring theory more than we bring truth so we have to understand that what we know is really our understanding of the truthfulness of the information we have.

“Rarely do we bring truth to the table.
We bring theory more than
we bring truth.”

LISTEN MORE, READ MORE

Let’s talk about cross-generational communication for a second because that can be very challenging. What are some things that people can do to communicate more effectively with people 25 and younger?

First and foremost, improve your listening skills. We spend far more time talking than listening. We have to train our minds to listen. When I say ‘listen’ I don’t just mean hearing. I mean understanding and thinking about what you are hearing and trying to ensure that you put what you hear and understand in the proper context.

Most of us, as we grow older, don’t listen enough. We also don’t read the right things enough. That narrows the communication between us and kids because we’re not reading and we’re not listening. We tend to become more closed minded because we become less confident in ourselves as we get older if we are not continuing to grow.

In my capacity as a professor I have no choice but to listen. But I think that in general, older adults don’t spend enough time listening to youth. They watch them but they don’t listen.

And let me add something else. Have a willingness to allow people to make mistakes. Giving a second chance, being able allow people to make errors and be comfortable making mistakes and having a willingness to help them work through it. To put it another way, “Keeping hope alive.”

Ha! That’s your Jesse Jackson moment, huh?

Yeah!

“Adults don’t spend enough time listening
to youth. They watch them,
but they don’t listen.”

A GENUINE INTEREST

If you had to choose just one skill as the most important skill for communicating with young people what would it be?

I think it’s honesty and feeling that they can trust you. That may be even more significant than effective listening—being able to trust what a person is saying and knowing he has a genuine interest in you. Most people believe that we are all motivated by self-interest and that carries with it an element of distrust. So, I think that piece is the central piece.

Actually, you couldn’t even have effective listening skills unless you have a genuine interest in someone.

That’s right.


EYE ON THE FUTURE

Where will the institute be in the next twenty years?

Well, it certainly won’t be under my leadership!

Actually, that’s a hard question because things change. A lot of things have changed since DuBois was founded. One of the things that has changed is the meaning and the significance of the concept of race. When we first started out back in 1988 it was clear that the greatest divide in our society was race. The divisiveness between African-Americans was secondary to the divide between us and other ethnic groups.

That has changed a lot over the past decade. In fact, quicker then I had even anticipated to be honest. In my judgment, the greatest crisis that faces us now as African-Americans is classism within our own race.

The divide between the professional class and the “unskilled” class is greater now than it has ever been before. Such that you can really live next door to an urban community and never visit it and never have any interfacing with the black people who are living in an urban setting.

That’s dangerous. That’s scary because their plights and our plights are still connected as a collective. We have to come up with ways in which we can potentially close this gap and insure that we do not become disintegrated as a consequence of becoming much more Americanized.

The institute has to be sensitive to these changes in society and continue to work toward maintaining a sense of community among African-American people as we are allowed to become more American. That is to say that as our Nationalism rises and we become more Americanized we can’t loose sight of our ethnicity. That’s the challenge that faces the institute as I see it twenty years from now.


FOCUS YOUR ENERGY ON YOUR STRENGTHS

Sum up your philosophy about motivating and communicating with young people in 1-3 sentences.

Here’s something that guides my thinking and it guided the building of the DuBois Scholars Institute. One of the things that seems so obvious and yet it escapes us is that we need to focus our energies on our strengths. That’s not to say that you ignore the things that are weak within your structure, but the foundation has to be strong.

Thus, when it comes to dealing with our youth we need to spend less time talking about what’s wrong with them and more time talking about what’s right with them. Let’s work with the things that we know they are good at. If I can strengthen the things that you are already good at then that’s going to reduce the significance of the things that you’re not so good at. Do you follow me?

Wholeheartedly. In fact, there’s a book called “Now Discover Your Strengths" that I frequently recommend to people. “Hone your strengths and manage your weaknesses.”

You naturally motivate kids when you work on things that they are good at and when you make them feel good about themselves. They will automatically gravitate to you when you deal with things that they are good at.

I agree with that. I think that sometimes we press our young people so much about what they’re doing wrong that they loose sight of what they are doing right. Dr. Boone thank for a few minutes of your time. Your answers were very insightful and thought provoking.

Thank you!

“When it comes to dealing with our youth
we need to spend less time talking
about what’s wrong with them
and more time talking about
what’s right with them.”

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Words of Wisdom 17: Fulfillment

One of the keys to greatness is finding a way to do something you love to do, not just something that's "safe" to do. Many people have experienced a high level of achievement but are stuck in professions they hate.

What kind of sense does that make?

None.

"High achievement without fulfillment is a broken way of life."

-Al "The Inspiration" Duncan

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A State of Mind Called Time Pt. III

“In all our deeds, the proper value and respect for time determines success or failure.”–El Hajj El Malik El Shabazz (Malcolm X)

Have you ever met somebody that’s always late for class, work, and everything else, but has the nerve to be mad because he or she didn’t get to leave on time?

Please tell me that’s not you. Are you one of those people that likes to be “fashionably late”?

I know this violates proper nightclub etiquette but…

In the real world, consistently being late is deplorable. It’s irritating or infuriating for the person that’s waiting on you and it’s detrimental to your reputation.

When was the last time you went to a meeting, graduation, concert, or conference that actually started on time? If your answer is: “recently”, I’m jealous.

Of course things happen, but for most people and organizations the “things” that cause them to consistently start and show up late or waste time are the result of disrespect.

Just look at the incidents involving several of the major airlines recently. Literally millions of people—unfortunately I was one of them—were stuck on runways and thousands of flights were canceled because of egregious errors in judgment and flat out disrespect for passengers’ time.

WARNING: Respect Time…or else.

If Father Time could talk he would be outraged. He’s had his civil rights violated more than anybody. If he had legs, people would be getting their butts kicked on a regular basis.

What causes people to engage in the gross misappropriation of precious moments in one instance, while pleading for “just five more minutes” in another?

It’s ALL mental. It has nothing to do with your planner, Trio, or Blackberry. I know people with all types of time management gizmos and they still waste time or show up late.

The way you treat Time is a state of mind that manifests in the form of a habit. Habits are the physical manifestation of your thinking—conscious or non-conscious.

Instead of changing their thought patterns people play ridiculous head games trying to trick themselves into being on time.

Here are some popular ways that people, including myself, have tried to cover up their disrespect for Time.

1. Set your clock or watch 5-10 minutes early.

I used to do this religiously. A lot of people do. So, I know somebody is going to swear up and down that this works. Here’s a clue:

It doesn’t.

If you don’t respect Time this little game won’t change a thing because it’s actually an excuse to be late in disguise.

You know what happens.

One day you’re running late and you realize that you really have an “extra” ten minutes because your clock or watch is fast. Or maybe you wake up and sucker punch the snooze button; after all, the alarm really went off ten minutes early, didn’t it?

So instead of being twenty minutes late you’re only going to be ten minutes late and ten minutes isn’t that bad, is it?

Garbage.

Note: The thing that really messed me up was the creation of cell phones. Does anybody know how to set a cell phone 10 minutes early?

2. Underestimation and the Idiot Driver Excuse

This is when you know it’s going to take an hour to do something or travel somewhere, but you end up convincing yourself that you can do it in thirty minutes.

Just because it took you thirty minutes during non-rush hour traffic does not mean that’s how long it takes. Of course, this has nothing to do with your disrespect for time. It’s all because of the stupid, idiot driver that was in front of you, right?

Garbage.

3. They don’t start (or leave) on time anyway.

People constantly show up late, meetings rarely start or end on time, and on-time flight departures and arrivals are endangered species.

But none of that is a viable excuse for you to disrespect Time.

You should respect Time even when they don’t respect Time because Time and Opportunity are blood brothers. Mistreat one and the other will make you pay…dearly.

Some of my most profitable business deals and quite a few a good relationships are the result of me being early when everyone else was late.

4. I work better under pressure.

Garbage.

That statement is the master procrastinator’s most powerful—or should I say weakest—excuse. I hear it from people all the time and I love it because then I get to respond with:

“Oh yeah? Well, why don’t you put some pressure on yourself to do what you need to do and get where you need to go in more timely fashion?”

The look on their faces: priceless.

Pressure can be the result of procrastination or the moment. Successfully dealing with the pressure of an important moment will help you grow. It will elevate you to a new plateau and strengthen your self-confidence.

Pressure that results from procrastination, however, perpetuates your disrespect for time and keeps you in a rut.

This type of pressure is an excuse for your inability to focus on the task at hand. People try to use “the last minute” as a tool for focusing because they have yet to develop the willpower to focus on their own.

Think about that.

5. It’s Up to God.

I grew up in the church. I love me some Jesus. But I hate these kinds of excuses:

“If God wanted me to be on time, I would have been.”

“It’s out of my hands now.”

And what about this one? “Sorry I’m late y’all…but the Devil is a liar.” (A woman really did say that at a meeting I recently attended!)

That’s just more garbage.

Have you ever heard of a little thing called free will? You should use it to make sure you do whatever you have to do to be on time and to stop wasting time.

The Million Dollar Question: What should you do if you or someone you know is consistently disrespecting Time?

Unfortunately, I don’t have any self-development voodoo that you can sprinkle on someone to make him treat time in a respectful manner. It requires something that people seem to be short on these days—self-discipline.

The only way to develop self-discipline is with resolve and consistency. If you are consistently resolved to respect Time eventually your self-discipline in the area of time mastery will improve.

One of my mentors gave me some guidelines that are very useful:

To be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late, and to be late is unacceptable. Disrespecting Time is guaranteed to cost you opportunities and relationships.

My philosophy about time is simple:

If you disrespect me, I MIGHT forgive you. If you disrespect my family or my time, we’re done. End of story.

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Most of the obstacles people face in life are self-imposed. So remember...

• “You are guaranteed to win once you defeat the enemy within because…It’s ALL mental!” -Al “The Inspiration” Duncan

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With Friends Like These...

"Emotion can be the enemy. If you give in to your emotion, you lose yourself. You must be at one with your emotions because the body always follows the mind." -Bruce Lee

Emotions are the guardians of your well-being. They are your friends and their primary objective is to ensure survival. They are arguably the most powerful force governing our behavior.

There is an old adage, however, that rings true when it comes to emotions. “With friends like these, who needs enemies?”

It is a scientific fact that if left untamed, our basic emotions (anger, joy, disgust, surprise, distress, and fear) would cause you to kill first and ask questions later. Or run first and ask questions later.

On an equally detrimental, but sometimes lighter note, emotions will have you shouting, crying, or jumping to conclusions first and asking questions later. Believe it or not all of this is done in the name of survival.

In the heat of the moment your body initially responds to a psychological attack (i.e. insults) in the same manner it would a physical threat. Think about that.

If emotions are supposed to be our friends, then why do they frequently leave us in a barrel of trouble? The answer is simple.

We are designed for survival, not diplomacy.

The emotional brain, also known as the limbic system, was rolling along for millions and millions of years doing what it does best: keeping us out of harms way. Then along comes the neocortex, the logical brain, to complicate things.

Now a person knows that if he or she can’t do physical harm, an insulting remark will often do the trick. Although it’s not a physical attack, your emotional brain still recognizes the bad intentions and responds accordingly.

If you aren’t careful, all of a sudden your friends could become your enemies. It takes 3-5 seconds for the chemicals that produce emotions to flood your system producing what is often referred to as an emotional hijacking.

In a life and death situation that calls for immediate action and there is little time for thinking, an emotional hijacking might save your life.

But at the office an emotional hijacking might cost you your job. In a negotiation it might cost you the deal. In an argument it might cost you a relationship.

Therefore the age-old advice about counting to ten before you respond has an equal amount of science and common sense behind it. It gives you a chance to use your logical brain.

So when you feel a tidal wave of emotions flooding your system, hit the pause button and access your neocortex. Joshua Freeman, a leading expert on developing Emotional Intelligence, calls it the “six second pause.”

I’ve found that, for me it’s even better to take the four extra seconds and go for the full ten count just to be sure. Because it can be so costly, impulsive behavior is nothing to play with.

When I was growing up my mom used to always say to me, “Al, don’t let your friends get you in trouble.”

Mom, you never told me that you were talking about my emotions.



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Top Ten Quotes: Maya Angelou

(In honor of Women’s History Month)

A legendary poet, one of the great voices of contemporary literature, civil rights activist, author of twelve best-selling books including I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, actress, playwright, producer, director, historian, educator, outstanding orator, and Grammy Award winner, Dr. Maya Angelou is the quintessential Renaissance woman.

The recipient of more than 60 honorary doctorate degrees, Dr. Angelou has captivated and inspired millions of people across the globe. There is no doubt that world could never get enough of Dr. Maya Angelou.

Here are my favorite quotes by this extraordinary woman.

10. A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.

9. I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.

8. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

7. You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don't make money your goal. Instead, pursue the things you love doing, and then do them so well that people can't take their eyes off you.

6. If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning 'Good morning' at total strangers.

5. There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.

4. Prejudice is a burden that confuses the past, threatens the future and renders the present inaccessible.

3. Nothing will work unless you do.

2. If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.

1. You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Honorable mention:

History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.

We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.

One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.

Achievement brings its own anticlimax.

Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives.

Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently.

I believe the most important single thing, beyond discipline and creativity, is daring to dare.

Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at it destination full of hope.

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Women's History Month: March 2007

Top Ten Quotes: Mother Teresa

(In honor of Women’s History Month)

Nobel Peace Prize winner and world renowned humanitarian, Mother Teresa was one of the most outstanding examples of altruism and servant leadership in the history of the human race. She provided the world with a treasure trove of wisdom. Here are my ten favorite gems from Mother Teresa.

10. Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very little time for their parents, parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of peace of the world.

9. The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.

8. Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.

7. Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.

6. I do not pray for success, I ask for faithfulness.

5. Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person.

4. One of the greatest diseases is to be nobody to anybody.

3. If I look at the mass, I will never act. If I look at the one, I will.

2. I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.

1. We have done so much, for so long, with so little, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.

Honorable mention:

It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us.

I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world.

Good works are links that form a chain of love.

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.

Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.



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Words of Wisdom 90: What's on Your Mind?

Mind your mind. Studies have indicated that negative predictions about an experience are far more likely to come true then positive predictions. Think about that.

The Million Dollar Question: When you say (or think) that something negative is going to happen and it does, did you predict the future or did you create the future?

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A Poverty of Ambition

“Focusing your life solely on making a buck shows a certain poverty of ambition. It asks too little of yourself.”

–Barack Obama, Knox College Commencement Address 2005

Even after hearing the phrase “dream big” 3,297,391 times (or more) over the course of their life, most people still don’t get it.

“Don’t rock the boat.”

“Better safe than sorry.”

“A bird in the hand beats two in the bush.”

These timeless maxims are sage advice. When taken to the extreme, however, they create a certain poverty of ambition.

Of course, something tangible that is actually working or in your “hand”, is better than a wish or pipe dream. But here’s the real question: Are those birds in the bush actually attainable? If you had a rock-solid plan and the wherewithal to execute it, is it possible for you to get those two birds? Is it probable?

“I’m going to get a degree in engineering or accounting.” If you love either of those two great professions then by all means…go for it. But choosing a profession because it’s the proverbial bird in the hand is the epitome of a poverty of ambition.

A choice like that is why too many people wake up sick to their stomachs about going to work. They wake up with a bad case of would’ve-could’ve-should’ve syndrome.

I would’ve been a great writer…

I could’ve started my own company or non-profit organization…

I should’ve never married this guy. He’s not a bird in the hand; he’s a bird brain in the hand!

Could you have the business, the family, and the philanthropy? Yes. People do it all the time, but not enough people. According to the 2007 Just Start™ survey conducted by Intuit, Inc. (NASDAQ: INTU) 72% of Americans aspire to start their own business. That’s almost three out of four people, but how many actually do it?

There are over 300 million people living in the U.S. An estimated 23 million of them are entrepreneurs. That’s around 7%. So, less than one in ten people actually have enough ambition to make it happen. And that’s after years of record breaking entrepreneurial growth.

Whether it’s starting a business (for profit or non-profit), looking for a promotion, or making a living doing something that you REALLY love to do, there seems to be a paucity of calculated risk-takers.

So, what’s fueling this poverty of ambition? This lack of go-getters boils down to complacency and fear of the unknown.

“Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.”

–W. Clement Stone

COMPLACENCY

Complacency is the ugly side of success. It’s a momentum killer and a dream slayer.

“Why can’t you just be satisfied with what you already have?”

“That’s good enough.”

Garbage.

I’ve got two words for you to live by:

Get better.

Everyday you want to work on getting better—better health, better relationships, better finances, better marketing, being a better servant to a worthwhile cause, and the list goes on. (I guess the 1.6 billion dollars people spend on cosmetic surgery per year is proof that there’s no poverty of ambition when it comes to being better looking!)

Greatness and complacency cannot exist in the same mind.

Think about that. What if Mother Teresa or Gandhi had a poverty of ambition?

What if Cesar Estrada Chavez, Dolores Huerta, Harriet Tubman, or Frederick Douglass had a poverty of ambition?

Scary thought, isn’t it. A poverty of ambition can change the world in ways I don’t even want to imagine. To be complacent is to stop striving and to stop striving is to waste to your most precious gift—life.

“I have learned over the years that once one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.”

–Rosa Parks

FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN

I was stunned.

I looked at the students in disbelief and thought to myself, “They must not know what a CEO is.”

“How many of you all know what the CEO of a company does?”, I asked them.

A lot of them raised their hands and someone yelled, “A CEO is the boss.”

“They are the leaders”, another student added.

My next question was: “Do you all know that sometimes the CEO is also the person who owns—maybe even started—the company?”

There was a wave of nodding heads as a chorus of yeses filled the air.

“Do you all understand that the CEO makes the most money?”

More head nodding and more yeses.

By then I was flabbergasted. These were some of the best students I know—students of the historic Butler Street YMCA’s Multicultural Achievers Program of which I’m am the Steering Committee Chair and the Life Skills Coach. The students were in the middle of a project that involved creating a company. As a part of the project, they were applying and interviewing for positions in the company. Out of a few dozen high school students not one of them had applied to be the CEO.

When I started to investigate why no one wanted to be CEO I got all kinds of answers.

They didn’t know what to expect. (Fear of the unknown.) They didn’t know if it would be too much work for them to handle or if it would be too much responsibility. (Fear of success.)

If anything went wrong they would be the first ones blamed and the first ones fired. (Fear of failure.) They were worried about what might happen. (Fear of success or failure: the unknown.)

They were afraid of the unknown and it was killing their ambition.

Why?

For many people fear of the unknown is a debilitating phenomenon that fuels a poverty of ambition. Here are five questions, however, to help you deal with fear of the unknown:

1. What could happen as a result of doing (whatever the action or decision maybe)?
2. What probably won’t happen as a result of doing ______?
3. What could happen as a result of not doing _______?
4. What probably won’t happen as a result of not doing _______?
5. How will I deal with each of the four answers from those questions?

If you don’t know the answers to those questions then do some more research, get some more guidance or advice, and make the best educated answer you can.(The students couldn’t answer those questions at first, so the Program Director and I asked the CEO of the Butler Street YMCA to come in and talk to them.)

It’s that simple and, at times, that hard. But the unknown and your fear will be minimized—not necessarily gone, but minimized by answering these questions.

Let’s get back to those birds in the bush…

Here’s the interesting thing. None of this means that you have to necessarily let go of the bird in your hand. While you are looking at the two birds in the bush and squeezing that bird in your hand to death, here’s a something to ask yourself.

The Million Dollar Question: Who ever said you couldn’t have all three?

And no…that’s not being greedy. That’s called abundance.

Stop asking too little of yourself.

Lose the poverty of ambition.

Get the know-how, a good plan, and put them to use because you deserve a life of abundance, don’t you? A life overflowing with achievement and fulfillment is waiting for you if you will simply…

Get better.

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